Celebrity Gist Gist

The Case of Taylor Swift’s Butt Vs. Creepy DJ Is Going To Trial

In what may be the dumbest lawsuit since Joana Krupa’s Smelly Vagina Vs. The People, a radio DJ in Colorado had the gall to sue Taylor Swift after she got him fired for allegedly (I have to say that) grabbing her ass back in 2013. Taylor Swift, who has absolutely nothing to gain from this because she’s a bazoop-a-poopionaire, was not about to take that garbage and countersued this guy who was claiming it was actually his boss… despite photo evidence that pretty much proves contrary.

By the way, it should be mentioned that this guy looks exactly like you’d expect, early 50’s, Guy Fieri fashion sense, a locally famous yet culturally irrelevant smile… a real Dee-ew-youshe.


(I know what you’re thinking and yes, this photo was taken with a potato)

TMZ is spinning the story as the hottest trial of the year that doesn’t involve pudding, quaaludes, and someone who rhymes with the saying, “trill cross, B!” (a very common saying amongst religious low-rider enthusiasts). They’re even giving out instructions on how to get a seat to watch some washed up DJ sweat while the lawyers of Swift Team 6 shred his ass-grabbin’ ass.

According to new legal docs, jury selection will begin Monday in Colorado for David Mueller’s lawsuit against Swift, and her countersuit. Here’s the crazy part — only 32 seats will be held each day for the public, and they’ll be granted on a first-come, first-serve basis.
That means waiting in line — a long one, no doubt — if ya want a shot at seeing Taylor in court.
According to docs, Swifties can start lining up at 6 AM and passes will be handed out at 7 to the first 32. An overflow room with TV monitors will be available for 75 more people.

Will I be there? No… I’ve got some frescas to ice down, but I’m sure it’ll still be a shit show. On a side note, Taylor Swift’s ass really isn’t much of an ass at all and I bet after this skeezy DJ reached up her skirt he may have come back with a pinch of dust…