Celebrity Gist Gist

Taylor Swift Takes The Stand Against Gropey McGrabbybutt

Taylor Swift gave her testimony today against David Mueller (AKA Gropey McGrabbybutt), the Colorado DJ who allegedly helped himself to a handful of T. Swift’s buttcheek during a 2013 meet-and-greet. Back in 2013, Taylor Swift wasn’t quite the “I can buy your family” level celebrity that she is now, so I think I’m 100% team Taylor on this one. Just look at Gropey McGrabbybutt and tell me that doesn’t seem like the kind of greaseball that would clearly sneak one on a 23-year-old.

Here are the highlights:

“What Mr. Mueller did was very intentional,” Swift said as she answered questions from Gabriel McFarland, Mueller’s attorney. “I am critical of your client for sticking his hand under my skirt and grabbing my ass,” Swift said. “It was a definite grab… He stayed latched on to my bare ass cheek as I moved away from him visibly uncomfortable.” (From CNN)

According to Taylor, Gropey had the tenacity to not only reach up her booty chimney and help himself to some custard, but to briefly hang on as she moved away like the Coppertone dog.

His argument is that he had a closed fist and only did some innocent “hover-handing” around the ribcage area…


… Ribcage? C’mon dude, what’s next – are you about to claim that Taylor Swift’s hand is actually knuck deep in your own keister too? I wonder how long this guy has before he gets a gig at a male strip club where women can pay $25 to grab his ass under a dress.